الألعاب النفسية التي يلعبها الناس - Eric Berne's Psychological Games

🎲 الألعاب النفسية التي يلعبها الناس

Eric Berne's Psychological Games - Complete Guide

Psychological games are unconscious patterns of behavior that people engage in to get attention, avoid responsibility, or manipulate others. Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis, identified these games as predictable sequences of social interaction that lead to negative feelings and reinforce life positions.

What is a Psychological Game?
A game is a series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Games are played unconsciously and always result in negative feelings for all parties involved.

Game Structure - The Karpman Drama Triangle

Most psychological games involve three roles that participants switch between:

  • Persecutor: Blames, criticizes, controls
  • Rescuer: Helps without being asked, enables
  • Victim: Feels helpless, seeks sympathy

Life Games - Marital and Family Games

Marriage and Relationship Games

"Corner" (الزاوية)
One partner maneuvers the other into a no-win situation where any response will be wrong.
Example: "Do whatever you want" (but any choice will be criticized later)
"Courtroom" (قاعة المحكمة)
Partners argue endlessly about who is right and who is wrong, seeking to prove the other guilty.
Example: Bringing up past mistakes to win current arguments
"Frigid Woman/Frigid Man" (المرأة/الرجل البارد)
One partner provokes sexual advances then rejects them, making the other feel guilty or frustrated.
Example: Sending mixed signals then claiming the other is "only interested in one thing"
"Harried Housewife" (ربة البيت المرهقة)
Taking on too many responsibilities then complaining about being overwhelmed and unappreciated.
Example: "I do everything around here and no one appreciates me"
"If It Weren't For You" (لولاك)
Blaming partner for preventing one from pursuing dreams or opportunities.
Example: "I could have been successful if you hadn't held me back"
"Look How Hard I've Tried" (انظر كم حاولت بجد)
Making repeated failed attempts to prove good intentions while avoiding real change.
Example: Half-hearted efforts followed by "I tried but it didn't work"

Party Games - Social Games

Social Interaction Games

"Ain't It Awful" (أليس هذا فظيعاً)
People gather to complain about how terrible things are, competing to have the worst story.
Example: Coffee break conversations focused entirely on complaints and problems
"Blemish" (العيب)
Finding fault with others to avoid intimacy or deflect attention from own shortcomings.
Example: Criticizing someone's appearance or behavior to maintain distance
"Schlemiel" (الأخرق)
Making "accidental" mistakes that harm others, then apologizing to avoid real consequences.
Example: Spilling wine on someone then saying "I'm so sorry, I'm such a klutz"
"Why Don't You... Yes But" (لماذا لا... نعم لكن)
Asking for advice then rejecting every suggestion to prove that no one can help.
Example: "I need help with my problem" followed by reasons why each suggestion won't work
"Wooden Leg" (الساق الخشبية)
Using a disability, trauma, or disadvantage as an excuse to avoid responsibilities.
Example: "What do you expect from someone with my background?"

Sexual Games

Games Around Sexuality and Seduction

"Rapo" (الاغتصاب المزيف)
Seductive behavior followed by sudden rejection and accusations of impropriety.
Example: Flirting intensely then acting shocked when advances are made
"The Stocking Game" (لعبة الجوارب)
Subtle seductive displays designed to provoke then shame the observer.
Example: Provocative dress followed by criticism of others for "looking"
"Indignation" (السخط)
Being offended by normal sexual interest to gain moral superiority.
Example: Acting shocked by mild flirtation or compliments

Underworld Games

Criminal and Antisocial Games

"Cops and Robbers" (الشرطة واللصوص)
Criminal behavior designed to eventually get caught and punished.
Example: Leaving obvious clues or escalating until capture is inevitable
"How Do You Get Out of Here" (كيف تخرج من هنا)
Asking for help with problems while secretly sabotaging all solutions.
Example: Prisoners or patients who ask for help but resist all attempts
"Let's Pull a Fast One on Joey" (دعنا نخدع جوي)
Group conspiracy to deceive or take advantage of someone.
Example: Planning to cheat someone who is perceived as naive

Consulting Room Games

Therapy and Professional Games

"I'm Only Trying to Help You" (أحاول فقط مساعدتك)
Offering unwanted help that creates dependency or proves the helper's superiority.
Example: Giving advice that maintains the problem while appearing helpful
"Indigence" (العوز)
Playing poor or helpless to extract resources or sympathy from others.
Example: "I can't afford treatment" while spending money on non-essentials
"Peasant" (الفلاح)
Playing ignorant or simple to avoid responsibility or expectations.
Example: "I'm just a simple person, I don't understand these complicated things"
"Psychiatry" (الطب النفسي)
Using psychological jargon to avoid dealing with real issues.
Example: "That's just your projection" instead of addressing the actual concern
"Stupid" (البلاهة)
Playing dumb to frustrate others and avoid expectations.
Example: Repeatedly "not understanding" clear instructions

Good Games

Games That Serve Constructive Purposes

"Busman's Holiday" (عطلة سائق الحافلة)
Professionals who continue working during leisure time in a game-like way.
Example: A teacher who can't help correcting grammar at parties
"Cavalier" (الفارس)
Showing off knowledge or skills in a competitive but socially acceptable way.
Example: Academic debates or professional competitions
"Happy to Help" (سعيد للمساعدة)
Genuine helping behavior that benefits both parties.
Example: Volunteering that provides personal satisfaction and social benefit

How to Stop Playing Games

Breaking Game Patterns:

  • Awareness: Recognize when you're in a game
  • Refuse to play: Don't take the expected role
  • Direct communication: Say what you mean clearly
  • Take responsibility: Own your feelings and choices
  • Set boundaries: Don't rescue, persecute, or play victim
  • Ask for authenticity: "What do you really want?"
Remember: Games are unconscious patterns. Most people don't realize they're playing them. The goal is awareness and choice, not judgment or blame.

Key Takeaways

  • Psychological games are predictable patterns that lead to negative outcomes
  • Games serve to avoid intimacy and maintain familiar life positions
  • Everyone plays games sometimes - awareness is the first step to change
  • Games can be stopped by refusing to play the expected complementary role
  • Authentic, direct communication prevents most games
  • The payoff of games is negative feelings that confirm existing beliefs
  • Breaking game patterns opens the door to genuine relationships

"The moment a little boy is concerned with which is a jay and which is a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing." - Eric Berne